Squibs Don't Deserve Happiness
by magic.is.out.there
Summary: Marianne is a squib forced to live with her muggle aunt. she gets used to the muggle world but wants to return to her magical roots...but will war and love get in the way?
1. Prologue

**DISCLAIMER – I own nothing but my imagination **

**PROLOGUE**

It was Marianne's eight birthday and she couldn't understand her parents grim expressions. Wishing to ease the tension, she began opening her presents.

Ripping open pink wrapping paper, she saw a big packet of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans and Cauldron Cakes from her little brother and sister, Brian and Megan.

"Thank-you!" Marianne, always the polite one, hugged the three-year old twins.

She turned to a large, rather bulky package that she saw was from her parents, feeling excited she slowly opened the presents – her parents always gave her the best presents.

It was a bag. A very pretty bag with broomsticks and snitches (Marianne was a big Quiddich supporter) scattered on it. But no matter how pretty it was…Marianne felt slightly disappointed. She usually got much more exciting presents than this.

Perhaps her mother sensed her disappointment as she said kindly, "There's some stuff _in _the bag too, Mari."

"Spent a great deal on it, too…" Marianne heard her dad mutter behind her.

"_Not today," _her mother hissed at him. Marianne felt grateful for her mother for saying this, they had fought for months before today, she had no idea what of but had picked up some words that they shouted at each other; "Too young…just a kid." And "she's our child, how can you be so cruel." Marianne figured they were talking about the fact that they were going to send Megan to St. Mungo's for a while, because her teeth hadn't grown yet. But even after Megan went and had came back, they continued to fight, and Marianne had picked up a pattern in their fights, their mother always seemed to be wanting something and their father always refused saying, "do you want me to lose my job?" Her father worked in the Ministry and was a favourite for Minister for Magic.

"C'mon, honey – are you ok?" her mother touched her on the shoulder gently.

She smiled at her mum who she had been always closest to, after her gran of course. She shook her head of the bad thought's that filled her mind and followed what her mother had said, "_Not today."_

Opening the bag, she took out a purse which jingled and she happily guessed there was money in there. Already, her present was looking up. Under the purse was a notebook with brightly coloured quills. She stroked the feather softly.

She put the quill down and dug further into the bag. The rest were clothes, she took a top and jeans out and frowned at them - they were muggle clothes.

Looking up at her mum, her wide brown eyes, so like the rest of the family's, were confused.

Her dad, however, answered her unasked question. "We were thinking we would spend some time with Aunt Sarah over the summer, and you know she lives in a Muggle neighbourhood so we have to fit in."

Marianne stared at him, astonished. Her mum was a muggle-born and Sarah was her only living relative, she was also a muggle. Her parents never mentioned her, and now they suddenly had the desire to _visit _her?

Just as she was about to ask why, Megan distracted their parents. Megan and Brian were always doing this, always turning each other's hair different colours, or making the railings of the cot disappear, once when Brian stole Megan's ice-cream, she got mad and plunged the bright kitchen into complete darkness. Brian has had to sleep with a night-light ever since.

This time, Megan had turned her toy-broomstick into a giant ladybird.

Her mum swooped down and gave Megan a huge hug, as if congratulating the toddler on her accidental-magic. Her father muttered a quick counter-curse but beamed all the same at his youngest daughter, a smile Mari had never seen him bestow on her. And she had a reason why. She had labelled that smile 'the magic smile', simply because he only smiled like that when the twins did accidental-magic. But, as far as Marianne knew, she had never performed accidental-magic. It was supposed to show at the age of seven, and Mari, now at her eight birthday, figured she was a late developer. The horrifying thought that she might be a squib had never once crossed her mind. After all, how could a _squib _be born to the famous, soon-to-be Minister of Magic, Albert Dottington?

So, enviously enduring her mother's cooing compliments to Megan, she opened, unnoticed her final present. It was from her only grandparent she had left - her beloved Gran. She was the mother of Martin, but they didn't see eye-to-eye, Martin was all for '_Magic is Might', _something he quoted quite often at home and her Gran was very kind to all her Muggle neighbours, and seemed very fond of their oblivious ways.

Mari opened the red wrapping paper, and gasped happily when she saw what she had got her. Her very own 'Tales of the Beedle Bard'! She flicked through it, and recognised some of her favourite stories, 'Babbity Rabbity and her Cackling Stump' and 'The Wizard and the Hopping Pot," a story that her father refused to tell her, and that her Gran told to her often.

She lovingly put the book in the pocket of her robes, and picked up curiously the next present. It was a mirror, with jewels all around it, a note was sticking out from the bottom;

"_So you can always see your beautiful self,_

_And the person who loves you the most." _

She smiled at the note, her Gran often said confusing things like this.

"Oh, you opened the one from mother," Her dad sounded slightly sneering as he said mother. "So what did she give you this time? A fake wand? A book of 'Quotes from the Greatest Wizards and Witches of this Century'? Don't tell me she got you another toad, I told you I wouldn't get you a new one since the last one died…"

"_No," _Mari said somewhat defiantly, defending her grandmother. "She got me this beautiful mirror." She was going to mention the book, but her father disapproved of fairytales so she decided to keep it in her pocket.

"Oh, Mari, that's exquisite!" Her mother exclaimed, and Mari knew she was trying to cover up the sneering manner of her husband.

Her dad grunted, and walked into the next room, the twins trotting after him. Mari didn't mind, she liked it more when it was just her and her mother.

After a scrumptious breakfast, her father announced that he, Mari's mother and Mari were going out. The twins would be left with Gran.

This was a complete surprise to Mari and she squealed happily, perhaps they would go to Diagon Alley? Or the Unicorn stables? Endless thought's filled her mind, she turned to beam at her mother but she was staring in shock at her husband, like she was seeing him for the first time.

Mari frowned at her, and then glanced at her father. He was looking anywhere but as his wife, eventually he looked up at her and muttered, "It's now or never."

"How about _never?" _ Her mother said in a low voice that sent shivers down Mari's spine – it contained anguish mixed with anger. Mari shuddered what could be happening that makes her mother sound like that?

"We've been over this before, Laura – we have to let go _some _time." Her father muttered back, and Marianne knew she shouldn't be listening to this conversation so she hopped of her chair and made for the door, when her mother asked a question that made her stop in her tracks;

"But on her _birthday? _How can anyone be so cruel?" Her voice was filled with heartbreak and complete disgust.

Did she hear right? Something was going to happen on her birthday? To who? And then a terrible thought came to her – was it going to happen to _her?_

_THIS IS A LINEBREAK. LINEBREAK, I SAY! YES, YOU HEARD RIGHT, A LINEBREAK._

They were at her Aunt Sarah's, after a day filled with fun at the Unicorn Stables, where she rode her favourite unicorn – Cupid, that completely erased any of the bad thought's she had at breakfast. She didn't know exactly _why_ they were at Aunt Sarah's house, after all she had thought they were going there during the summer, but nevertheless she was having a fun time – Sarah had given her Hot Chocolate and biscuits and she had petted her golden retriever called Sandy.

Her mother and her sister were chatting easily, but her father just sat there, fidgeting now and then, staring bewildered at the black box, that Sarah explained was a telly-vision. When Mari had nearly fallen asleep, Sarah insisted that they all stay the night at her house. Mari thought her dad would have refused but to her surprised, he agreed warmly, Mari noticed a shadow passing over her mum's face, she probably missed the twins who were still at Gran's.

As her parents went up to the spare bedroom and Mari snuggled down in the couch, she remembered how odd her gran had acted when she saw her this morning. She had hugged her tight and was nearly crying when she whispered words into Mari's ear,

"Never be angry at who you are, you are unique and we love you,

But sometimes selfishness overshadows love,

So when there's a time when you're wondering what happened to us," She whispered even more quietly now, and Mari had to lean in to hear,

"Remember the mirror…"

This had doubled Mari's nerves but being an eight year old girl, unicorns quickly banished all worries, but now that she was snuggled, warm in her Aunt's house, she wondered it over again.

She fell into a fitful sleep, rain splattering against the windows, where she woke in the middle of the night by a car engine right outside the sitting room window. Wondering who would be up at this time at night, she peaked out through the window.

The lights came on of the car her father had borrowed from the Ministry for the day, she was about to shout out that somebody was stealing the car, but then she noticed her new bag in the corner of the room. She hadn't even brought it with her.

Something made her hurtle out through the door, into the dark night, staring at the Ministry car, pulling out of the drive. It pulled onto the road and for a second the street lights flashed upon the man driving the car, her father.

Perhaps he sensed her watching as he glanced back to the house, he saw her, his lips parted a bit but then a shadow passed across his face and he was plunged back into the darkness of the night. But Mari could swear she saw a tear on his face.

She watched the headlights on the back of the car go, until they were just pinpricks in the distance, then until they were swallowed up by the darkness.

And yet Marianne stood on her Aunt Sarah's doorstep, on the night of her birthday. Alone, rain splattering against her numb body and staring deep into the darkness, seeing nothing.

And at two o'clock in the morning, two hours after her eight birthday officially ended, her heart left her forever. Just like her family did.

**Ok, that was the prologue, I just had to introduce her family and why she will be living with her aunt…hope you like it! Review please **


	2. Chapter 1

**So next chapter, know it took me a while so sorry **** xx**

**Hope you enjoy and review! Thanx to Jun Jin for the review!**

"So, Tara the usual?" Marianne asked rhetorically, after all every Friday they did the exact same thing. Chipper. Back to Mari or Tara's house, stay in or go to a party. It was a life with no surprises which suited Mari just fine. No surprises equals safe. Stable.

Because Mari hated surprises ever since her eighth birthday.

"No, sorry," Her best friend, Tara Thomas, pulled out a book from her locker and shut it, smiling apologetically at her.

"_What?" _ Mari's brown eyes bulged from under her dark blonde hair, "Is this a joke?"

"No, my brother's coming back from his boarding school for Christmas, we're picking him up in Kings Cross," Tara grinned at her, scooping up her long black hair and stretching out to her tall, black body.

Tara loved her older half-brother, she was fifteen - he was nearly seventeen, so they were the closest out of her two other sisters, Tasha and Diana, who were twelve year old twins. Mari loved going to Tara's house – they were such a tight-knit family, which made her wonder why her brother went to the boarding school. She often wondered was it because he had a different dad than the three girls but Tara had fiercely squashed that theory. Apparently he just wanted to go to boarding school which Mari had always thought was strange. Who would ever voluntarily leave their family?

"That's great! Try get him to help us with our art project," Mari smiled sheepishly reflecting on the pile of rubbish that sat under Tara's bed, that was supposedly an 'art project.' And from the many things Tara had told her of her brother, he was a good artist and they needed all the help they can get.

Tara snorted as they walked out the school doors, "Oh yeah, if Dean can't fix it we'll have to declare it a lost cause."

"Like are History project, geography project and do you remember the science - ?" Mari's eyes lit up with mirth, remembering their failed attempts at projects.

"Where we made a giant sperm? Eh, _yes, _I don't think anyone will forget that," Tara smirked, then gave a sideways glance to Mari, "So what will you do tonight?"

Mari's brow furrowed, she'd never had to face a Friday without Tara before, "No clue, watch the News, maybe play an exciting game of monopoly with Sarah…"

_BEEEEP. _

A car horn interrupted their conversation, they looked over to see a middle-aged woman roll down the car window, "TARA! We'll be late for the train!"

Tara glared at her mother, clearly embarrassed as several of their classmates turned to stare at them, snickering. She hurried over to the car shooting an apologetic glance and a quick "bye" at Mari.

A drop landed on Mari's head. She sighed and put up the hood of her hoodie, she hated rain – it always seemed to fall in the worst moments of her life.

_**LINEBREAK LINEBREAK, DON'T MIND THIS – LINEBREAK. JUST KEEP READING.**_

At eight o'clock that night, Mari was completely and utterly bored. Her aunt Sarah had to catch up on some paper work, making her a boring companion to be with, so she was up in her room. Cleaning. Actually _cleaning. _She hadn't cleaned her room since…

…

…

Well she'd think about that later, but for now she was clearing her wardrobe out. Who knows she might find a skirt she wore when she was twelve that would suddenly come back into fashion and serve as a new mini-skirt for her. No such miraculous thing happened. As she threw old clothes over shoulder, she had to admit she had no sense of style when she was , she thought, she _did_ have a good reason. After all she had grown up wearing wizarding clothes and didn't understand all the different styles of muggle clothing.

A horrible green coat was strewn across the bottom of her wardrobe, she disgustingly picked it up and flicked it over her shoulder. She was about to close the wardrobe door when she saw something that made her heart-rate quicken up. She plunged her hand and pulled out the bag from the wardrobe that the coat had been hiding for several years.

She sat on her bed, running her hands over the faded pattern of Snitches and broomsticks on the bag. She had told Sarah to get rid of everything that she got for her birthday. The only thing she kept was 'The Tales of Beedle Bard' to remember her gran by and to have some sort of pull to the magical world. She also kept the notebook her mother had given her. She wrote down every tiny, insignificant detail of the wizarding world down there, things that two-year-old wizards would know, such as there were Dragons and Trolls living in Britain.

At the time she had felt silly writing it, it had been so obvious but she knew she must put down _everything. _From Quiddich to story of the Boy Who Lived, she wrote down everything that might differ from the muggle world, nearly filling the whole notebook. She had been at it for weeks. Desperately clinging on to the world she had suddenly been excluded from, but one day she woke up and the sadness was drained from her.

Anger filled its place. _They _had left _her. _Who abandons their own kids? No moral person. So she had placed the copy of 'The Tales of Beedle Bard' and the notebook in the bottom drawer of the cupboard. Once it stayed in there, it would stay out of her head. But now…she had the bag she had gotten seven years ago for her birthday, Sarah had never thrown it out. It had been in her wardrobe all along. She shook her head, she should really clean more often…

Smiling at the thought, she gained courage to open the bag. Everything was neatly packed, and Mari felt a lump in her throat, imagining her mum packing this bag for her eldest child she would never see again. She had never blamed her mum. Or her gran. In her mind, it was all _him. _ She didn't even think of him as dad anymore, not even as Martin Dottington, up and coming Minister for Magic. No, he was just _him._

On top of the folded clothes, the mirror lay, the note still sticking out of the side, in her gran's swirly handwriting,

'_So you can always see your beautiful self,_

_And the person who loves you the most.'_

She closed her eyes, shoved the bag under the bed and fell backwards and did something she had refused to do for years.

She cried.

**So hope you like it, review please! They make me happy **


	3. Chapter 2

**Tanx to Aasiya333 for reviewing! **** hope you like this chapter, reviews make my day :D**

Mari woke to the sound of the telephone ringing. She put the pillow over her head and refused to acknowledge the annoying shrill sound.

Her door opened and a half asleep Sarah walked in in her pyjamas, she wiped sleep from her eyes and yawned, "Mari, answer that, I'll make breakfast."

"I want to sleep in!" Mari's muffled voice moaned.

Sarah clucked her tongue, "No, you're to help me with the turkey remember? So get up if you want dinner today."

This got Mari moving, after the party last night, she had completely forgotten what day it was.

She sprinted downstairs and picked up the phone in the hall, it had been ringing for almost two minutes. "Hello?" She said politely.

"It's me, Mari!" Tara's voice came from the other end with a laugh.

Mari grinned at the sound of her voice, "I should have known, after all who else knows how long it takes us to answer the phone?" Mari teased.

"No one else," Though Mari couldn't see her, she knew she was smirking. "Sorry, have to make this quick – Di and Tash will probably rip open my presents if I stay out here too long. So HAPPY CHRISTMAS!"

Mari laughed at the excitement in Tara's voice, "Happy Christmas to you too! Are you going to Church?"

"Of course, it's what we do every Christmas, are you?"

"Yep, Sarah's gone all holy on me, don't know what's wrong with her…she even invited the priest to the party last night! Thank God he didn't come," Mari sounded relieved.

Tara laughed, "Yeah imagine the priest dancing with one of Sarah's bimbo friends, now _that _I would pay for!"

Mari snorted, as Sarah shouted from the kitchen, "These potatoes won't mash themselves, you know, Mari!"

Mari sighed, "I have to go, see you soon."

"Bye!"

_LINE_**BREAKLINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK.**

Sarah had seriously shelled out the pounds this year, she had gotten Mari a CD player, make-up, ankle high-heeled boots, jeans and a jacket – all of which she was wearing today (except the CD player).

They had taken their time opening their presents, so they were running late for Church.

Mari pushed open the heavy wooden doors of the Church, Sarah close at her new heels. Every head turned to stare at them. She blushed and scanned the Church for the nearest empty pew. She spotted one a few metres in front of her, she walked quickly to it, her boots clicking loudly against the tile floor, drawing even more unwanted attention to them.

By the time she reached the pew, everyone had returned the gaze to the priest. She scanned the pews for a dark head but couldn't spot Tara in the crowded Church.

She turned her attention to the priest, a few minutes later she fell asleep.

"Mari!" She felt a nudge in her side, "_Wake up!" _ Someone hissed into her ear.

She opened her eyes blearily to find herself not in her bed. She sat up straight, everyone had gotten up and were heading to the door, the people nearest to her were staring at her oddly and she went red.

She felt a stare to the left of her and she turned around, Tara was grinning at her. Relieved at seeing a familiar face she stood up to go over to her. Sarah muttered, "Finally!"

Tara linked arms with her and they walked out of the church, Tara didn't say anything, she was trying to keep in her laugh.

The second they left the Church into the freezing air outside, Tara fell around laughing, earning some indignant stares from the pensioners.

"You fell asleep in Church! _And _ you came in late! Bahahaha," Tara clapped her hands together in mirth, Tara found nothing funnier than Mari's bad luck and embarrassments.

"That was _soo _embarrassing!" Mari agreed with her, "And my shoes wouldn't stop making noises!"

Tara laughed harder, and through the tears in her eyes, she looked Mari up and down.

"Gorgeous outfit by the way," Tara complimented.

"Thanks," Mari grinned, happily, she looked at Tara's outfit, she wore a woollen dress, tights and new shoes, "Same to you, very Christmas-y."

"Thanks, mate," Tara put her arm around her shoulder, which ended up more like a headlock.

So when they got over to Tara's family and Sarah, Mari's hair was messed up and the two best friends were giggling to themselves.

"Hey guys, Dean you remember Marianne yeah?" Tara introduced.

Mari and Dean had met each other briefly a few times before at his house, so they knew each other by sight.

"Yeah, hey Marianne," Dean smiled, showing off dimples. Mari's heart missed a beat in adoration. She had never noticed how _hot _he was before, with his curly brown hair, warm brown eyes and tall stature… she pulled herself together. Tara had told her he had a girlfriend over the summer.

"Hey Dean," Mari smiled politely. They stared at each other awkwardly. Mari glanced around her to search for a conversation starter when Tara saved her;

"I loved the bracelet you got me!"

Mari smiled at her, "Aww good! And _I _love the necklace you got me!"

Sarah's new phone rang and she gave us an apologetic look as she turned away.

"_What?_ We'll be right there. Oh god…Yes thanks for ringing."

"What's wrong?" Mari asked anxiously.

Sarah's face was white, "The house is on fire."

**Hope you like! Review please! **


	4. Chapter 3

**Tank to aasiya for reviwing! :D hope u like this chapter xx**

Mari felt terrible. The Thomas family didn't say anything but she knew they were ruining their Christmas. After all it was the holiday for families, not the holiday for families-and-a-fifteen-year-old-girl-and-her-aunty. But here they were, Sarah and Mari seated around the Thomas family eating the turkey Tara's dad, John, had carved and the pudding her mum, Tina, had made herself. Every few seconds Sarah and Mari glanced at each other awkwardly, they both knew they shouldn't be there.

On the other hand, Tara couldn't be more delighted. "You can stay in my room now, the other bed is practically yours anyway and most of your stuff is in my room and you can we can share clothes until the firemen have inspected the damage and all." Tara was rambling, she could sense the awkwardness and wanted it erases as quickly as possible. And in a weird way it seemed to work, fight awkwardness with awkwardness and it somehow seems to break the ice.

Mari smiled at her and put some of the delicious turkey in her mouth. She reached for the gravy at the same time as Dean stretched for some more potatoes. Their fingers brushed, sending an electric bolt down Mari's spine and a strange warmth in both their fingertips. Mari jerked in her chair at the shock of it and glanced up. Dean was watching her with amusement in her eyes but also puzzlement. Was he wondering what the connection between them was too? Mari felt a rush of excitement before she was rudely brought crashing down to earth when one of the twins, Diana asked Dean how things with 'Ginny' were.

Dean blushed. "Yeah going good," but inside Dean couldn't help pondering on how distance Ginny had been with him lately. Everyone knew she used to fancy Harry Potter, but that couldn't be it surely? Dean pushed that thought from his mind, Christmas was not the time for his many insecurities.

**LINEBREAK IGNORE PLEASE GO ONTO THE NEXT PARAGRAPH **** HOPE YOUR GOOD, THANKS.**

Mari and Sarah hugged on the doorstep. It was eleven o'clock and everyone was retiring to bed. John and Tina had offered for her to stay there but as Mari was already sleeping on the couch there wasn't much room her for. Sarah instead was going over to a friends, she'd be back over for Mari in the afternoon.

Mari trudged back into the sitting room, yawning widely. She stopped in her tracks – Dean was lying on made-up couch his lean body stretched out.

"Dean? Don't tell me you fell asleep watching The Grinch," Mari grinned.

Dean opened his eyes and smiled at her, "Didn't Tara tell you? You can sleep in our room in my bed."

"What?" Mari gasped, "No I'm fine – I'll sleep on the couch! I mean your only home for a while every year, it'd be mean of me to take your bed."

"It's fine, Mari, honestly," and he flashed his dimples again which made Mari melt.

"Ok," she murmured, mesmerised by his face.

"Em, good night?" Dean stared at her. Mari blushed, she had been staring at him like an idiot.

"Yeah night!" Mari belted out of the room.

Mari had always slept in Dean's bed during sleep overs but that was when he wasn't there. It felt weird knowing that he was in the room under hers. As she sank underneath his West-Ham United duvet, she breathed in and she was enveloped by a manly, clean scent. He mouth watered, not only was he the best-looking lad she had ever seen, he also smelt amazing!

That night Mari fell asleep with the biggest grin on her face and had a strange dream of her and Dean riding on a broomstick together into the sunset.

**Ok last bit was kinda soppy…anyways hope you like! Review :D**

**Next chapter some secrets will be revealed….**


	5. Chapter 4

**thanks again to Aasiya for reviewing! :D hope you like, this chapter is all dean/mari and mostly dialogue**

"Where is everyone?" Marianne asked at random, walking into the sitting room, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

"At John's mum's house," Dean answered her, Mari jumped and turned to him, he was sitting on the couch, wearing only a pair of pyjama bottoms. Mari's mouth fell open as she stared at his well sculptured chest.

Mari swallowed, "Oh..." Mari suddenly realized something, "Then why aren't you there?" she sat down on a chair, if she sat down beside him in the couch, Mari knew she'd be tempted to stroke his bare stomach, circling each and every one of his abs…

Mari was so enraptured by this daydream that she barely heard Dean's answer;

"She doesn't really like me that much," Dean shifted uncomfortably, "She called me a bastard actually."

"_What?"_ Mari's mouth fell open, for one that was a harsh thing to say, and two who could ever call _him_ a 'bastard'? He was anything but!

"Yeah, she meant it in the old-fashioned way though," Dean explained as though justifying her.

"What's bastard in the old-fashioned way?" Mari asked, completely clueless - English wasn't her best subject.

"It means the child of unmarried parents."

"That's horrible!" Marianne exclaimed.

"Yeah, well…mum didn't want to go today but John, you know it's his mother," Dean shrugged, not looking at Mari, and flicked through the channels.

A silence stretched out between them as they watched the news, a murdered woman had been found in her home, a family of five had apparently all dropped dead, no harm seemed to be done to them… Mari frowned at the TV, there had been a lot of deaths and odd occurrences going on across the world… She glanced out the window, it was a wet and misty.

Dean followed her gaze outside, "Bad day today." 

A sudden word popped into Mari's mind, "Yeah probably Dementors!" Mari laughed, she often put words from the magical world into her vocabulary, everyone thought she was just being random and imaginative, only Sarah understood what some of the words meant.

"_What?" _Mari turned around in surprise to find Dean staring at her, his mouth hanging open.

"What?"

"What did you just say?" Dean demanded.

"Oh," Mari laughed, "Just something I made up…" Mari mentally slapped herself, some people didn't think randomness was funny…apparently Dean didn't either.

"Ok…." Dean said slowly, he went back to watching the TV, every so often throwing a glance in Mari's direction. His little sister's friend had suddenly become _very _interesting, had she some connections with the magical world? Had she overheard some wizards talking? Or was it a coincidence and she really was just extremely imaginative?

"Dean?"

Mari's voice broke the silence, Dean glanced at her. She looked nervous and Dean knew she was going to ask him something personal.

"Yeah?"

"I know he's not your real dad…but you have lived with John most of your life sooo…why don't you call him 'dad'?" Mari looked at him hard, slightly surprised at her own daring – but she wanted to know everything about him.

Dean was surprised by the question, the girl may look ditzy but she sure had some deep thoughts. "I do."

"What?"

"I do call him dad to his face," Dean explained, for whatever reason he didn't mind talking about this to her, it was like she wasn't a part of his world so she didn't hold much of a threat. Ginny didn't even know John wasn't his real dad.

Mari raised an eyebrow, her brown eyes confused.

Dean realized what he said didn't make much sense, "I used to _always _call him dad, I felt it was a slap in the face to my real dad," Dean took a deep breath, he had never even thought about it and now here he was, saying everything out loud, "I had always thought my dad left us for another woman or something but over the last few years I've discovered the real reason…well I _think _it's why he left all those years ago."

"And now you don't feel the need to call John 'dad' anymore," Mari finished for him.

Dean nodded, "I only call him that to his face because I knew he'd be hurt if I just suddenly stopped calling him that."

Mari nodded, feeling this conversation was getting a bit tense, she got up and stretched, she had gotten dressed upstairs, she hadn't wanted to chance Dean seeing her in pyjamas.

Dean saw her glance out the window, "Do you want to go for a walk? The others won't be home for a while." Mari glanced at her watch, it was twelve o'clock – Sarah wouldn't be there to pick her up until about two.

"Sure."

Dean stood up and glanced around himself, he spotted the shirt he was wearing yesterday and pulled it over himself. He walked out to the hall and pulled his shoes on over the socks he had slept in. He did this all faster than Mari could pull on her boots. Mari stared at him,

"You're _ready?" _

"Yeah, how long do you expect me to take?" Dean smiled.

"Boys," Mari muttered and rolled her eyes.

Dean laughed, "You remind me of this girl in my school."

"Is she nice?" Mari asked, fishing for compliments, she knew it was shallow but she yearned to hear Dean say something good about her.

"Yeah most of the time, really smart though."

Mari snorted, "She can't be much like me, I'm hopeless at school."

Dean smiled as they walked out the door, "You can't be that bad."

"Oh believe me – I am."

They lapsed into silence but it wasn't awkward like it had been in the sitting room, it was comfortable – just two friends thinking their own thoughts.

They had reached the park, before they spoke.

"Do you want to go in?" Mari asked Dean. She hoped he didn't think it was childish of her to want to go into a playground.

"Sure," Dean opened the gate.

The two sat down on swings, glancing around at the empty playground. It was creepy, the merry-go-round was turning slowly, pushed by the wind. The empty swing beside Mari was squeaking as it went back to and fro.

Mari shivered and pulled her coat tighter around her.

"I heard what happened to your family."

Dean's voice came out of know where and she stared at him in shock, "What?"

Dean grimaced apologetically, "Tara told me that they died."

Mari didn't answer. She had begged Sarah not to tell anyone what really happened, she was too ashamed. Now she wondered how much it hurt Sarah to act like her only sister was dead.

Mari blew out into the wind, "You could say that."

"Huh?" Dean turned around in the swing to stare at her.

Mari's blonde hair whipped around her as she deliberated whether to tall him or not. She hadn't told her own best friend but she was going to tell a boy she hardly knew? But then again he had told her his biggest secret and Dean was gone most of the year, how many people could he really tell?

Marianne took a deep breath. "They didn't die." 

Her words spun and twisted in the air, coming out of her along with her breath she could see in the freezing air.

The silence stretched out so long that Mari had to glance beside her to make sure Dean was still there.

"Why did you say they did?" Dean asked eventually.

"Because I'd rather that they did." The moment the words left her tongue, she clapped a hand over her mouth. She only thought that in her darkest moments. It was never supposed to be said aloud. She looked up to see if Dean was appalled by what she said, but their brown eyes met and she knew he wasn't…he was just struggling to understand.

"Sometimes I wish they really died because it gives them a reason. A better reason then the real one." Mari murmured in a low voice, Dean barely heard her over the wind.

"What really happened?" Dean felt himself whispering.

"They left me at Sarah's house. We stayed the night there and they left in the middle of the night. They didn't want me to know but I woke up and watched them drive away…" Mari choked on a sob.

"What age were you?" Dean was fighting to control his voice but Mari didn't notice.

She sniffed and wiped her sleeve across her face, "I had turned seven that day."

"They left you. On your birthday." Dean repeated her story to the wind, trying to get his head around it. But he couldn't. "Why did they leave you?"

But that was the one question Mari knew she couldn't answer, how could she? He wouldn't understand. So instead she kicked off the ground and began swinging high. After a moment, Dean joined in.

And then they were just two teenagers trying to reach the heavens, not going over their past hell.

**Longer than usual – hope you like! Review and I'll love you forever!**


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